Kohen Wiley was one year old. He would have turned two in early November. On June 14th he was shot and killed in a Walmart parking lot in Senatobia, Mississippi, while his mother held him in the front seat of a car. This week the body camera footage came out, and the Mississippi Attorney General's office announced that the use of force was justified and no charges would be filed.
Who does that ruling actually protect? It may spare Walmart a lawsuit, at least for now, but even if the family were compensated, would that change policy or keep this from happening again?
Officer Hunter Foster, who shot Kohen, resigned. Days later interim police chief Angelica Maze resigned too, though she was not chief when Kohen was killed. She stepped in after the board of aldermen fired Chief Harold Vanderford over reports of racist slurs in private texts. The family's attorneys, including Ben Crump, say a turned-in badge is not accountability and want Foster decertified and a federal investigation.
What bothers me most is how the pursuit began. Officers were in the store on an unrelated complaint when an employee said two women were running. That was it. No fight, no weapon reported. Five officers rushed out and surrounded the car. Reporting says the car moved toward officers and struck one, which contradicts parts of what Kohen's mother said publicly in June. She has also said she lifted her baby up so the officers could see him.
As Black women we have to make better choices. We should not be running from police over diapers, especially with our children in the car, if that is what happened. But officers sworn to uphold the law need to use better critical thinking before they use a gun on unarmed women with children. Those armed officers chose to sprint, surround, and fire, and a Black child is dead again. No baby deserves to be dead over a shoplifting accusation. No matter the race. And if they did try to take diapers, we need to look closely at why. Diapers and other childcare essentials are ridiculously expensive, and a parent who cannot afford them is not a threat to anyone’s life. A society that prices the basics of caring for a baby out of reach, then answers the desperation with guns, has some questions to answer.
Black Women and Survival, the Jobs That Disappeared, and AI
An Oct. 22 report on federal layoffs reminded us who absorbed that hit the most. Black women make up about 12 percent of the federal workforce but under 7 percent of the civilian labor force, so when those jobs went, they went hard. Black women's unemployment has been reported at 7.3 percent this year. Several said they used AI to help them with their job search, and although it was helpful, most checked to make sure what it gave them. These women have been using the tool to climb out of a hole that automation and policy helped dig.
But here is where other communities can sound tone-deaf. Many people see AI as a problem because of the data it consumes and the largely unregulated data centers behind it, which drain water and power. But for many Black women, AI is the edited line on a resume after a layoff and the data center being built next door. Residents in Memphis, metro Atlanta, South Carolina, and Indianapolis have pushed back over power bills, water use, and jobs that rarely materialize. So a Black woman who is told to adapt to AI while her neighborhood carries its costs is surviving inside a system that benefits from her resilience but does nothing to protect her. Black women relying on the tool is not an endorsement of the system. It is survival, and survival here can be a conundrum.
National Black Man Voter Day
Saturday the 24th was the first National Black Man Voter Day, led by the NAACP, the National Urban League, and other groups. The goal was 100,000 Black men mobilized before the November 3rd midterms, and organizers said more than 5,000 joined planning calls.
I do not have turnout numbers, coverage came mostly from Black media and organizers, but this was worth the brief mention. Black men showing up publicly for the community is its own kind of love letter.
The Love Conversation
Yet, the "Black men are hard to love" debate keeps circulating, along with essays answering an Instagram post on interracial dating. On October 23rd, women shared that changing their race to white on Hinge changed who showed up in their feeds, which is annoying.
One post claimed that some Black men hate Black women, find them less attractive than white women, and date white women once the money comes in a higher bracket. Why does this happen? Though most Black men still partner with Black women, the pattern is real.
The psychology has layers, beauty standards have ranked skin tone and features for centuries, and we all absorb them. Dating app behavior has repeatedly shown Black women getting fewer responses. More money and education often means whiter workplaces and neighborhoods, so the dating pool changes. Black men face less backlash than Black women for dating out. Some men chase acceptance and treat a partner as proof of arrival. And some simply fell in love. Not every choice is a statement, but the contempt is real in some men, and podcasts have turned it into whole content.
Privacy, Performance, and Letting Your Guard Down
Is it a failure to keep love private and sacred? I think it is a big part of it. When a partner is paraded online, the person becomes a trophy and the relationship becomes a performance. Love that needs an audience is fragile, and public scorekeeping and receipts can be toxic in Black couples too. A real home is where both people stop performing and feel safe being themselves.
But can someone truly let their guard down in an interracial relationship? Will a partner hear "that was racist" without getting defensive? Will they stand beside you in a room that turns cold? Can they relate to you from an ancestral, soulful place? Are Black man defaming the women who raised them by choosing a white partner?
Maybe what matters is that two people love and respect each other. Yet culture matters to many of us as well, and you can have both. Preserving the culture can be part of what makes love feel like home. The real problem is the Black man who needs uses his partner as a prop – no matter what color. A wife of any race who loves him well honors the woman who made him and the community that raised him. But Black men who are using women as props, aren’t going to care if the women they have chosen is respecting their heritage or culture.
Can a white women hold a Black man accountable, to do so? The community is the root. And if he doesn’t care about the culture, neither will she. And that can be problematic if Black people sincerely care about the culture and legacy of being Black.
What We can do to Maintain Black Culture
Black Men
• Absorbed beauty standards. Learned ranking. Unlearn it by honoring the women who raised you.
• Unhealed wounds. Pain gets aimed at the nearest woman. Heal it so she stops absorbing it your issues.
• Peer pressure. Mocking women earns points. Be the man who says "that's enough."
• Online content. Algorithms reward contempt. Follow voices that model love.
• Fear of accountability. Dismissal dodges hard talks. Listen first and answer honestly.
Black Women
• Past betrayal. One hurt becomes a rule about all men. Grieve it, then judge the man in front of you.
• Exhaustion. Carrying everyone is real. Name your needs plainly instead of using sarcasm as armor.
• Viral narratives. Posts say Black men are hard to love. Test them against the men you actually know.
• Idealizing other races. Elsewhere can look softer, but no group is free of flaws. Choose with open eyes.
• Self-protection. Contempt can feel like safety. Set boundaries without attacking his dignity.
Conclusion
This week asked a lot of us. We grieved a baby, counted lost jobs, organized votes, and argued over who deserves love. The thread through all of it is care. Protect what is sacred, hold your people accountable with love, and keep contempt out of your home. Whoever you love, love in a way that honors the women and men who raised you.
Until next time,
Melissa Pozio
Slow Burn Love
Disclaimer: The content on Slow Burn Love is for informational and educational purposes only and does not substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of a physician or qualified mental health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical or psychological condition. If you are in a crisis, please reach out to a local emergency service or a crisis hotline immediately
