THE OFFENSIVE GAME WE ARE NOT PLAYING
Two separate conversations across Black social media stood out to me this past week. One about how Black students should choose the states and schools that will support and not exploit them. The other, almost the same conversation in a different arena, about how some white women target and exploit Black men.
Black Athletes Are Building Wealth for States That Don't Protect Them
The NAACP launched its "Out of Bounds" campaign this week, calling for Black athletes, recruits, fans, and alumni to reconsider investing their talent and money in flagship public universities across Alabama, Florida, Georgia, Louisiana, Mississippi, Texas, and South Carolina. The reason? Those same states are actively engaged in redistricting and voter suppression efforts that dilute Black political power.
The NAACP's statement was direct: "Black athletes should not be asked to generate wealth, prestige, and power for state institutions while those same states strip political power from Black communities." SEC programs in particular are powered by Black talent, on the field, in the arena, on the highlight reels, while those same states legislate against the communities those athletes come from.
NIL - Name, Image and Likeness - money at Power Four schools can be life-changing, and asking teenagers to sacrifice six-figure deals is asking a lot. That tension is real, especially when you come from a financially strapped family. But the reality is when you keep pouring your gifts into institutions that are actively working against you and your community, don’t expect that to end well.
HBCU are legacy, community, culture, and increasingly, competitive. The investment just needs to follow the talent.
The "Playbook" That Wasn't Supposed to Go Public
I noticed a post from TheBishGossip on my Facebook feed this week that stopped me cold. Screenshots from an alleged text thread involving a college student identified as "Halyn M.," her roommate Lexi, and Lexi's older sister showed what appeared to be a step-by-step guide on how white women can "lock down" a Black NFL or NBA prospect. The tips included avoiding drama, treating him like the prize, folding his clothes, doing his homework, completely integrating yourself into his life to where he cannot function without you, and yes, using “throat spray" for I’m sure you can guess for what.
It read like the cynical playbook from the movie Get Out. Someone who views a Black man not as a partner, but something to be used, if not as a financial destination, as thing to be controlled.
But the part that cut deepest was the advice to deliberately provoke Black women. "He'll always be attracted to blk girls, activate that sha'nana in her by picking at her and let him see it! He'll ditch her quick."
Being "sha'nana'd" is something I can personally attest to. A white woman called me “ni44ga” - several times - after I found out she had been sleeping with my now ex. This wasn’t the first time she had done this – slept with a Black man who belonged to someone else - however I was more shocked at the actions of my ex, who would proclaim he wasn’t interested in being with white women.
What is the psychology behind Black men who prefer to date white women but pretend they prefer, uphold and respect Black women? You love who you love, regardless of color. But when a man such as Jamie Foxx publicly proclaimed he would never date white women again, and then immediately goes back to his ex – a white woman – and gets her pregnant, there is some psychological proclivity or unresolved wound at work.
What Connects These Two Conversations?
Both are about the extraction of Black value. Black athletic excellence, Black male success, Black wealth, Black communities and families taken by systems and individuals who have calculated exactly how to access it while keeping Black people, especially Black women, out of the equation or cast as the problem.
Both point to the same solution: us. Each other. Community protection that starts not at the protest or the press release, but at the one-on-one level, in how Black men and Black women see each other, speak to each other, and choose each other.
In my article To The Black Men Who Show Up: We See You. We Need You., I mentioned how those in power at institutions such as the Heritage Foundation want to see the Black community dismantled. How the president of that foundation’s dissertation was about Black women being the stability and foundation of the Black family and community. The systemic racism is real. And for those of us who care about Black community, Black relationships, and Black children, we have to do better, especially Black men, we need you to take the lead and show the world the positive ways of how we love and respond to the Black women in our lives. Making spaces safer spiritually, emotionally, psychologically, and physically. Let’s all do better at creating safe spaces for each other.
5 Things Black Women Can Do Right Now
Trust your intuition and say it out loud. When something feels like a setup, name it. You do not have to perform calm, knowing the play exists means you do not have to take the bait.
Invest in Black male success the way you want them to invest in yours. Celebrate Black men who are doing the work in their communities, their relationships, and their self-development. Visibility and affirmation within the community matters.
Support HBCUs with your dollars and your voice. Attend games. Buy merch. Share HBCU athletes' highlights. The ecosystem grows when we feed it.
Have honest conversations with the Black men in your life about what they're being targeted with. Not from suspicion or control, but from love. "Here's what I saw. Here's what I know. I want us both to be protected."
Know that your anger, when it comes, is valid. But also know that some situations are engineered to provoke it. Choose your battles with strategy, not just feeling. Talk to a trusted friend before you react if you have any doubts.
5 Things Black Men Can Do Right Now
Learn to recognize the playbook. Calculated pursuit exists. Tactics designed to isolate you from Black women exist. Awareness is not paranoia, it is protection. If someone is known for picking fights with or talking down on Black women in your presence, ask yourself why.
Choose HBCUs seriously. If you are a recruit or know one, put an HBCU on the visit list for real, not as a courtesy stop. The culture, the network, and the legacy are unmatched. Your talent deserves an institution that will be proud of you beyond what you can do on a field.
Protect Black women publicly and privately. When you see the sha'nana dynamic playing out, someone baiting her, someone clowning her, say something. Be the man who does not require a Black woman to bleed before he speaks up.
Understand that your success belongs to your community. Especially if your talent was built in Black neighborhoods, by Black coaches, in Black churches, in Black families. Let that inform who you invest in, who you build with, and who you love.
Be deliberate about who you let into your circle when the money comes. Not suspicious of everyone, but discerning. Ask yourself who was there before the opportunity, and who appeared after.
The Real Work Starts Between Us and No One Else
No campaign, no viral screenshot, no NAACP press release changes anything if we do not change how we show up for each other in the small moments. The real shield against all of this is a Black community that genuinely has each other's backs. Black men who see Black women as partners, not competition or convenience. Black women who see Black men as worthy of protection, and not critique.
They already know that. That is why they are trying to get between it.
Don't let them.
Who you love and what community you invest in is your choice. Understand, however, that this platform exists to promote Black love, Black community, and Black unity. Just as the Jewish community, Native American, and Asian communities support their culture, that is what this page intends to do. Support Black culture, Black community, Black love.
Until next time,
Melissa
Slow Burn Love
Disclaimer: The content on Slow Burn Love is for informational and educational purposes only and does not substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of a physician or qualified mental health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical or psychological condition. If you are in a crisis, please reach out to a local emergency service or a crisis hotline immediately.
