WE ALREADY KNOW HOW TO KEEP EACH OTHER SAFE
We already know how to keep each other safe. A crowd of Black people packed together at a house music set, DJ booth glowing behind them. Nobody here needed a permission slip to feel free. This is what safety looks like when we build it ourselves, one dance floor at a time. From We Already Know How To Keep Each Other Safe slowburnlove.#SpiritandDom
This weekend gave me a lot to think about. A beach party. A house music festival I heard about from a friend. A talk with a young man about Chris Brown and Usher's concerts. And Nolan Wells passing. All of it kept pointing me back to one thing. Safety. Not the kind you get from laws or police. The kind we build for each other, in the moment, with our own hands and attention.
Let me start with the beach.
This weekend I was at a house music beach party. I was in a sea of Black people, dancing, laughing, feeling free. There was one white guy there and at some point he had too much to drink and literally fell flat on his face right in front of me. I did not think twice. I went over, helped him up, and helped clean him off. The DJ stopped the music and called for medical help before I even had a chance to yell for someone myself. A whole crowd of strangers switched from having fun to taking care of a stranger in seconds. It was a hard fall. I think one or two people laughed a little - when he sat up he had a silly smile on his face, so you could tell he had too much to drink. But most of us took it seriously. Nobody filmed him to make fun of him. The Black community took care of him.
I wish Nolan Wells had the same kind of protective community care around him.
A friend of mine posted about something similar at a different house music festival this same weekend. Another white guy, another sea of Black people. He danced for four hours straight. Nobody bothered him and he was completely safe the whole time.
I keep thinking about how these two stories are the opposite of what people expect from Black spaces. We hear so much about "Black on Black crime." We hear that our neighborhoods and our parties are dangerous. We hear that anyone outside the community should be scared to walk into a room full of us. That story is tired and it is blown way out of proportion. The truth is the only reason someone who is not Black would need to worry about their safety in an all Black space is if they came that space to cause trouble. Come with respect and you will get respect back.
That is who we are. That is who we have always been. We just do not get the credit for it.
Protecting Each Other's Space
At that same beach party, I danced with someone and it turned into a small reminder about safety. Our movements found a rhythm together without either of us trying too hard. He respected my space and I respected his. There was no crowding, no pushing, no idea that dancing with each other meant either of us was owed anything more. It was protective in a way that is hard to explain unless you have felt it. Two people moving together, having fun, while still honoring each other's boundaries. We danced for quite some time. I don’t know his name, never got his contact information, never really cared to, but was left with the memory of a moment in time on the dance floor where I had fun feeling safe with a brother from my community. That is the blueprint. Not just for the dance floor, but for how we treat each other in general. Things like presence, respect, and self-control. These things cost nothing and they change everything.
The Chris Brown Conversation
That same weekend I talked with a millennial about Chris Brown selling out arenas on tour with Usher. The conversation moved, like it always does, into his history with Rihanna. He brought up her name and told me his version of what happened between them. His version put the blame on her – something that happens a lot with Black women. And I will be honest, that part of the talk stuck with me. It reminded me that even in spaces built on joy and protection, we still carry stories that need to be fixed. Rihanna has never said in public that she started that fight. What we do know for a fact is that Chris Brown pled guilty to assaulting her.
The stories young people repeat about that night matter. They shape what the next generation believes about taking responsibility, about who gets to change history, and about what real safety in a relationship looks like.
Which brings me to what I want to leave you with this week.
5 Things Black Men Can Do to Help Create Safe Spaces for the Black Women They Love
Listen to and consider her the first time she tells you something hurt her
Learn her moods and her body, so you can tell the difference between quiet and shutting down
Protect her name in rooms she is not in, the same way you would protect it in rooms she is in
Read her body language before entering her space, even if you have been together for years
Take responsibility without needing her to soften the way she brings it up
5 Things Black Men Can Do to Help Create Safe Spaces for the Community as a Whole
Step in when something is going wrong instead of pulling out your phone to record it or laughing about it
Correct your friends in private instead of laughing along with them in public
Step up to calm things down the way the DJ did at that beach party, fast, calm, no ego
Show good examples of consent and boundaries in public so younger men have something to copy
Speak up when a false story about a Black woman is being repeated, especially when no one else in the room will